266 comments

The Top 4 SUVs for Growing Families

interiorLet’s face it. Here in America, a car is not a luxury, it’s a basic necessity. With our wide-reaching cities and the harried schedule of our modern lives, the comfort, flexibility and privacy offered by the modern automobile is both an essential part of life, and a little slice of heavenly peace to brighten each day.

As a teenager, you fell in love with your first taste of four-wheeled freedom. As you moved through college and adulthood, you surely upgraded to models a little more befitting of your status. So now here you are in your late 20s, with a blossoming career and car to go with it. Whether it’s an Audi or BMW, Lexus or Infiniti, your ride tells the world who you are: your taste, your status, and your individuality.

Until that magic moment when all of this flies out the window: you have a baby on the way!

Suddenly, there’s more to be concerned about that simply style and performance. You’ll need to accommodate car seats, soccer balls, and strollers. You’ll need to load shopping bags from the mall into the back with a wriggling child or two in each arm. Family life means driving on snow and dirt, and hauling your trailers and toys. And above all, you’ll need the safest vehicle to protect your new precious cargo. This means 4-wheel-drive and superior crash protection.

In short, if the diagnosis is pregnancy, the prescription is SUV.

Luckily we’re on the job for you here at Mr. Money Mustache. I collected the best SUVs on the American market and compared them side-by-side to pick a winner.

2014 Toyota Sequoia Platinum

toyotaWith seating for 8, the $60,795 Sequoia does it all. Featuring a fully boxed load frame, a responsive 381 horsepower 5.7L V-8 engine, and a 5750lb curb weight, this family hauler is nimble, capable, and luxurious. With fuel economy of 13MPG around town and as high as 18MPG on the highway, it can help your family’s dollar stretch just a bit further, and who doesn’t need that these days?

2014 Ford Expedition Limited EL

excursionSure, it’s big, and it’s fast, with specs rivaling the Sequoia at the budget friendly price of $51,695. But what really sets the Expedition apart is the perforated heated and cooled front leather seats! What could be a better respite from a pounding day of errands than a cushion of climate-controlled air that soothes you back to sanity? Fuel efficiency is just as good at 13/18 for the 4WD model. Also sold as the Lincoln Navigator, with an even more distinctive selection of luxury appointments.

2014 Chevrolet Suburban LTZ

suburbanIt’s everything you’ve come to expect from a large SUV and so much more. High intensity headlamps and foglamps, Front Park Assist, 12-way seats, Side Blind Zone Alert with Lane Change Assist, all powered by an EcoTec 5.3L V-8 with the ability to tow 8,000 pounds. Eco-Tec means you’re actually helping the environment as you cruise your way through each 33.5 gallon (126 litre) tank of fuel! But if all that tech-talk makes your eyes glaze over, let’s just put it this way: A very sweet ride that will be the envy of your block, with 16 cupholders for only $62,595! Also sold as the Cadillac Escalade with a more prestigious front grille for only a few thousand more.

2014 BMW X5 50i

bmwFor those with smaller families and a higher demand for performance, the venerable X5 may fit the bill. Featuring a 4.4 liter twin turbo V-8 that pours 450 horsepower into this SUV’s lightweight 4950 pound figure, the X5 will scream from 0-60 in about five seconds, smoking all four of its 19″ performance tires in the process. But with heated leather seating for 7 and available personal video screens for each passenger, your lucky children might not even notice what you’re up to.

Starting at under $70,000 with the Mocha Interior Design Package and the Executive Package, the X5 gets my personal vote for the best vehicle to prepare for baby. If cash is a little tight, BMW’s financing and lease packages can have one of these safe and roomy vehicles in your driveway for as little as $789 per month.

Although having your first baby is a challenging experience that will require many costly purchases, I hope I’ve at least helped with the most critical decision of all: what to drive.*

 

 

 

 

*Oh, and happy April Fool’s Day. The best family vehicle is a pair of bikes for the parents, each pulling a bike trailer. Second choice is a good small car (you can get kid seats that fit 3-across even in compact cars). And if you REALLY need something to carry a lot of people, get yourself a 2007 Mazda5 with a 4-cylinder engine and a 5-speed manual transmission. It comfortably carries 6 adults (tested it myself), burns a reasonable amount of gas, and is not a gigantic Douchewagon that will get you punched in the face by passing Mustachians. Just don’t buy one and then use the damned thing for single-person commuting!

  • Renee April 1, 2014, 3:17 pm

    Funny! I seriously thought you lost your mind.

    Reply
  • annie-get-it-done April 1, 2014, 3:46 pm

    Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, my family had some conditions that helped foster my mustache:
    1. Two cabins in Vermont, where Dad rebuilt or repaired everything himself (and the kids helped.)
    2. Growing Family – eventually 5 kids traveled 5 hours each way to Vermont about 12 weekends a year or more for work and fun. The trip lasted well past our bed time, so we all needed to be able to lay down an go to sleep.
    3. Lax child safety laws and mores.
    4. A Buick Station Wagon (diesel)

    My dad built a shelf with foot long legs on it that fit across the back of the station wagon. Mom fitted it with some foam. Two kids slept across the shelf (perpendicular to the car length ) and three kids slept with their legs under the shelf. It was like a little burrow, with everyone nestled into sleeping bags. Very comfortable, comforting, and never any injuries. Not a bike, but it got the job done.

    Reply
  • Mrs. GreenPennyGardener April 1, 2014, 4:27 pm

    Glad to know there are car seats that will fit three across in a compact car! We have a 2005 Toyota Corolla that we hope will last us another 15 years. And though we haven’t started having kids yet, DH has already said our limit is three so that we don’t have to buy a bigger car.

    Reply
  • Danielle April 1, 2014, 4:50 pm

    That last car costs almost as much as I have left on my mortgage! OMG I can’t imagine going into that much debt for a stupid CAR. I’m pregnant and I still ride my bike to work!

    Reply
  • Miss J April 1, 2014, 5:22 pm

    THAT, was hilarious… I can tell it’s late in the day and I’m tired, because it actually took me a second! I was like “what the WHAT?!?” Nicely done… ;)

    Reply
  • Abigail Hostetter April 1, 2014, 5:55 pm

    For a moment, I lost my breath.
    Thanks for the laugh!

    Reply
  • Kris Knutson April 1, 2014, 6:47 pm

    I knew it was a joke when I hit the first $ price! My daughter texted me earlier to ask if I’d read it!! Best thing I’ve read all day, especially ‘and is not a gigantic Douchewagon!’ That made me laugh our loud for real!

    Reply
  • Jeff April 1, 2014, 7:30 pm

    However, if you are a money pinching homeschool family of 7 you need the minivan!
    My new one gets as good gas mileage as any car and carries all of the kids.
    Just make sure its paid for.
    We all have bikes too.

    Reply
  • Anonymous April 1, 2014, 7:40 pm

    What’s funny is, when I read the title and the first few paragraphs, I figured this might be a serious article on “which SUVs are *not* face-punchingly awful and actually make sense as a vehicle”, in much the same spirit as the previous post on good, fuel-efficient vehicles. Then I saw the list start with 2014 vehicles and immediately realized it was an April Fool’s joke.

    I do actually think there’d be some value in a serious article along these lines, targeted at the set of people who want some of the properties of an SUV, but without actually going out and buying an insane $50k+ brand-new SUV with piles of things they *don’t* need loaded into it. For example, a really common question I don’t have a good Mustachian answer for: what sensible vehicle should someone buy if one of their purchasing criteria is the height-off-the-road of an SUV? I refuse to believe that that criteria alone condemns the buyer to an absurd gas-guzzler; there has to be a sensible vehicle with a seat and baseboard height matching a RAV-4 or CR-V but getting decent mileage.

    Reply
  • Keith Schroeder April 1, 2014, 7:59 pm

    You had me for the first sentence or two. I couldn’t take anymore, turned away, and then realized I’d been fooled. Good one.

    Too bad most people don’t get the joke; they live it.

    Love your work, Triple M. Look forward to your words of wisdom.

    Reply
  • CTY April 1, 2014, 9:06 pm

    Knew the moment I read the title. Couldn’t pass it up though–had to read the whole article.
    Knew it would be worth the “face punch” line.

    BTW I knew the SUVs were expensive but I had no idea how much. How the heck do people afford them?

    Reply
    • Scooze April 2, 2014, 9:06 am

      Really……….they CAN’T afford them. They just THINK they can. They probably don’t have 6-mos emergency fund, or much savings, either. Go figure.

      Reply
  • Steve April 1, 2014, 9:42 pm

    Took me until you laid out the mileage for that gas guzzling POS Seqoia until I knew. Well played. You had to have had some fun writing this awesomely humorous copy, and I’m sure it took you plenty of time. Well worth it.

    Reply
  • Deborah April 1, 2014, 11:24 pm

    Well, the only one of these cars I can find in Australia is the BMW. And that is the one you selected !!!

    Pity that the Australian price is $144,922.30

    I always knew cars were much more expensive here, but double the cost? It explains why the prices in your articles are so far off!

    Reply
  • Dorcas April 1, 2014, 11:57 pm

    I started reading this article and said to myself “Hmmm…something smells fishy. That doesn’t sound like Mr. Money Mustache.” LOL That was a good April Fool’s joke! Thanks for the laugh!

    Reply
  • ams April 2, 2014, 4:52 am

    I recently visited some family who not only drove a short-box financed luxury truck (which kind I have no idea. Score one for zero brand recognition). They also had a second financed SUV sitting parked in the garage for a family member who hadn’t even gotten her license yet. Apparently financing a large vehicle is step one to getting this person on the road. Oh, and the parked, financed SUV was insured with a low deductible “sitting insurance” in case the garage collapses on top of it.

    No surprise, these people regularly borrow money from their blue-collar parents.

    Reply
  • Scooze April 2, 2014, 9:04 am

    Always on my friend who drives a big-a$$, gas-guzzling Toyota SUV (usually alone!), I could not believe my eyes on this post!!?? Seriously, MMM? Has he lost his mind, I asked myself? Thank gawd it was just a joke – because too many ignorant folks DO think these are great vehicles to own/drive! Fueling one up is like running a hose from your bank account to your gas tank – goodbye hard-earned money!!

    Reply
  • K33 April 2, 2014, 10:42 am

    Ahhahah. Mr. Money Mustache! You totally got me! I got in some good April Fools jokes yesterday but nobody got me. But you got me! I was like, WTF?! Why is he saying this. Hilarious!

    Reply
  • PavelR April 2, 2014, 11:34 am

    Excellent article!

    The only missing thing is a nuanced discussion of the relative merits of leasing vs financing.

    Also, if you care about the environment in any way, you should consider a hybrid:
    http://usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/cars-trucks/GMC_Yukon-Hybrid/

    Great mileage.

    Reply
  • Peter Engel April 2, 2014, 12:12 pm

    Loving reposting this, just to upset my environmentalist friends!

    Reply
  • Quest April 2, 2014, 3:03 pm

    hahahaha! Funny thing is, I know someone who just did this very thing ……. purchased an expensive SUV to carry their DOGS around in.

    Reply
  • phred April 2, 2014, 4:36 pm

    I wonder if the local Ford dealer is going to advertise the Lincoln Navigator “as recommended by Mr. Mustache?”

    Reply
  • Dean April 2, 2014, 5:06 pm

    The car companies love selling these things because are a huge profit maker.
    Trucks and especially option laden suvs’s make them a fortune every year.

    Very much a North American phenomena. Go to Europe or Asia and no one drives them except commercial operators.

    Oh yea, very few actually own them. They are leases or financed money.

    Cheap fuel and sheeples, bad combination.

    Reply
  • Dan April 2, 2014, 9:05 pm

    Epic April Fools joke, totally had me until the end!

    Reply
  • Doug April 2, 2014, 9:45 pm

    When I started reading this post and saw the vehicles recommended, I knew it had to be another example of MMM making fun of our excessive consumption North American lifestyle. Much to my surprise it’s even better than that, the best April Fools joke I’ve read in many years!

    Reply
  • jeffery April 3, 2014, 6:40 am

    Wow. You totally got me! For a few minutes, I thought maybe my wife got to you, MMM. I am always begging her to read the site, while informing her that parents fit three kids across the back seat of a sedan and so to are we. Good one.

    Reply
  • Eric April 3, 2014, 7:56 am

    Awesome article. I smiled the entire time I was reading.

    Every several months if we visit the Shopping Horde Center, chances are there will be some of these big, fancy beasts. All I do is look at the sticker, shake my head, and think, “Huh, we bought our first house for that price.”

    Reply
  • allison April 3, 2014, 8:39 am

    Ha! I saved this article to read later, thinking, ‘hmmm, perhaps he’s got a point. If we need to drive 7 people (big and small) around this summer we might need an SUV rather than a minivan.’ Obviously, I’m a bit new to Mr. Money Mustache. Joke’s on me. Fortunately, I read the disclaimer. Yes, indeed, it’s a used mini-van for us! Hahaha.

    Reply
  • iwanttobelive April 3, 2014, 10:27 am

    Nicely done, you had me fooled. I really thought MMM was changing his ways and ditching the bicycle. I was thinking OLD MMM would have punched this new MMM in the face for such things.

    Reply
  • Taylor Larkin April 3, 2014, 11:06 am

    A few weeks ago my 94 Integra with 206k blew a seal somewhere and started leaking oil like it was bleeding. I already biked to work a few days a week so I just decided to Mustache up and bike my 12 mile commute every day. Three weeks in and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for the reminder that I made the right decision MMM! Keep up the face punching because we all need it sometimes!

    Reply
  • Ron April 3, 2014, 11:42 am

    Reply
  • Ron April 3, 2014, 12:00 pm

    MMM – I thought you had lost your mind until I read the note at the end!! well done…

    I cancelled my car insurance two months ago as I transition away from a car-centric lifestyle. Bikes are sexy.

    Carless in Seattle.
    Ron

    Reply
  • Ross April 3, 2014, 12:20 pm

    Here is a great article about “What a car is good for”. You’ll see that they are more than just clown cars :)

    http://bikeportland.org/2014/04/03/lifestyle-column-what-a-car-is-good-for-103952

    Reply
  • StevenC68 April 3, 2014, 2:03 pm

    LMAO!!!! I’m reading and reading, wondering, Huh? where is the lower and lower affordable awesomeness… then BAMN! april fools! and bikes! YES! it took me to the END to figure it out!!!

    NICE!!!!!

    Steve

    Reply
  • Ryan April 3, 2014, 3:03 pm

    Oh my gosh… I was getting so scared. Waves of relief when I saw that disclaimer. Nicely played :)

    Reply
  • Kelly Galambus April 3, 2014, 3:04 pm

    I read this 2 days after April’s Fools, and I’ve just found this site last week. That said, even a newbie like me thought to look at the date as I started to read! Thanks for the laugh!

    Reply
  • shocked April 3, 2014, 4:25 pm

    The thing about these cars is that unless you have sextuplets or some large amount of people you’re regularly driving around, these vehicles are so large that they’re difficult to safely handle. The 2014 Suburban, for example, is approximately 18.5 feet long. The 2014 Honda Civil, in comparison, is more than 3.5 feet shorter. Besides the obvious higher gas milage, there are more easily forgettable ways that the size causes problems. Most notable is the increased turning radius. While it is not a problem in most modern parking lots, the size can box itself in if people parking around you are not attentive; if the width of the roadway between two rows of parking spots are too narrow, it is simply not possible to get the car out without hitting another until someone around you moves.

    Reply
  • Techelek April 3, 2014, 9:55 pm

    I suddenly realized how much I rely on this website for motivation and advice. I’m convinced my husband forwarded this post to me because he’s sick of hearing about MMM and it was his revenge that you’d gone over to the Dark Side.

    Reply
  • Jen April 4, 2014, 5:34 am

    We have been a car-less family for over three years now, but aaah, this article makes me miss my car… Its depreciation, car payments, insurance, road taxes, road tolls, parking permits, oil changes, repairs, washes, gas bills, traffic, tickets… And many of these things are so much bigger and better with an SUV…

    Reply
  • Kaytee April 4, 2014, 7:20 am

    My face reading this article:

    o.o
    O.o
    O.O
    O_O

    Thought you’d been hacked, right up until the punchline.

    Reply
  • Daisy April 4, 2014, 7:22 am

    I laughed out loud at the “gigantic douchewagon” line. I definitely thought it was odd that I was reading about the top (gas guzzling) SUVs on MMM. My fiancé has a huge Chevy Tahoe that I resent so much. It takes SO much gas to run, and it needs a lot of maintenance. He won’t get rid of it because he “needs it for work” (he is a carpenter and uses a lot of tools that he brings back and forth) but I always argue that he could leave his tools at work and just drive a small car.

    Reply
  • imsharper April 4, 2014, 9:02 am

    Oh sure … I wait for a few days to get my MMM “fix” and I duped into thinking he’s LOST HIS EVER LOVING MIND!!!! Luckily I read to the bottom (actually I just felt ill and skipped most of the paragraphs in the hopes that the last paragraph would clear everything up lol)

    The sun is not out today but still looking forward to walking weather!!! :)

    Reply
  • Willis Montgomery III April 4, 2014, 10:31 am

    Clever way to advertise for these folks, play it off as a joke, and still benefit financially. Donate the proceeds to a community bike shop.

    Reply
  • tallgirl1204 April 4, 2014, 12:07 pm

    oh man, I read this whole post with a big dum “huh”? on my face. Mouth hanging open, everything. I kept waiting for the joke to happen– I’m glad it finally did, because I totally forgot what day it was. Excellent job.

    Reply
  • happyback April 5, 2014, 8:50 am

    I totally was shaking my head at this! I wondered if you hit YOUR HEAD on the job, and had LOST YOUR FREAKIN’ MIND! Which had me worried that one of the few voices of reason in our crazy world had been silenced!

    HAHAHAHAHA! Good one. Very good!

    Mom of Seven
    (Who drives a VW Jetta diesel when she drives!!)

    Reply
  • Robyn April 5, 2014, 10:46 am

    Personally, I’m going for the 2014 BMW X5 50i. Thanks for the rec, MMM! Wait, you mean it’s a joke? You’re not really promoting these awesome SUVs? *shuffles back to bike, sulkily kicks back kickstand, peddles off, dreaming of highways not driven. Also, car-free since 2007. ;)

    Reply
  • David Horne April 5, 2014, 1:44 pm

    Reading this on April 5th is especially confusing. I was sure that it was going to switch tone in their somewhere. I was kind of hoping to have the fourth alternative be something not-SUV. But an April Fools joke certainly works too.

    Reply
  • Dmitry April 5, 2014, 7:38 pm

    The Internetz delivered this article to my electronic mailbox, but I ignored it – like I’ve done to a few others in the past (I confess, I’m not perfect, even bad at times – believe it or not). Especially given the headline…I was like, “WTF?.. I think I’ve done right by not going to this website in a while, not interested in trash advice like that.”

    I was wrong, again! :) I have just read this thing and ohmigod, nice to reach the April Fool’s Day disclaimer at the end ;). I wasn’t going insane, after all. I gotta come here more often, so that I’m not easily fooled and more readily smell the rat – like those hardcore mustachians do.

    Well done, Sir! And thanks once again for the great public service. 8-)

    Reply
  • Sean April 6, 2014, 7:54 am

    Never doubted you MrMMM. I was just waiting on the punchline.

    Speaking of SUV’s, I’m having a bizarre Mustachian experience while in Dubai for work at the moment. There are Range Rovers and Escalades everywhere. The roads are full of late model high end SUV’s. There is usually one or two people sitting in these fuel hungry beasts with the A/C on high.

    Additionally, my hotel is right next to the Mall of Emirates where they have an indoor ski slope. Yes, there is an indoor ski slope in the desert. The new promotion at Ski Dubai involves renting time with a small group of penguins. It was about $140 for an hour and 15 minutes.

    The craziness continued when a local family I was with with took me to Dubai mall which has now taken over the mantle of biggest mall in Dubai. While driving through the parking garage (full of high end SUV’s) the dad spotted an SUV with a license plate that only had two digits. He said that people bid for these vanity plates with low digits and the one we saw would go for over one million dollars. One million dollars for a license plate on an SUV. It’s a crazy world we live in.

    Reply
    • Jen April 6, 2014, 6:44 pm

      Speechless…

      Reply
  • Darren April 6, 2014, 10:19 am

    Great post! Had me there for a second because I’m reading it on April 5th.

    The scary thing is that after looking at this post again, I am not sure if you wrote it or just borrowed it from any number of magazines or websites. People really think they need this kind of stuff and look for articles like this. $789 a month for an asset that is losing probably $200 of value a month (could be higher than that but its Sunday morning, I’m drinking coffee in my robe and my brain isn’t up for math yet).

    Even though this was a joke, it serves a valuable lesson.

    Reply
    • Mr. Money Mustache April 6, 2014, 11:41 am

      Thanks Darren.. but the depreciation is much more than that. Even the best cars at holding value (Toyota Corolla, Prius, Honda Civic) lose value faster than $200 per month. For a new Beemer or Escalade it is probably closer to $2000 per month that these things depreciate initially. Look up 2004 BMWs and other large luxury SUVs and observe how their price has dropped so they are worth about as much as a Corolla – the $60k vehicle slips down to match the $18k vehicle!

      Reply
  • Chasity April 7, 2014, 8:30 am

    I avoided reading this post for a week because I was disappointed you were recommending NEW cars. So happy that I scrolled to the bottom and saw the April Fool’s Day message!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

To keep things non-promotional, please use a real name or nickname
(not Blogger @ My Blog Name)

The most useful comments are those written with the goal of learning from or helping out other readers – after reading the whole article and all the earlier comments. Complaints and insults generally won’t make the cut here, but by all means write them on your own blog!

connect

welcome new readers

Take a look around. If you think you are hardcore enough to handle Maximum Mustache, feel free to start at the first article and read your way up to the present using the links at the bottom of each article.

For more casual sampling, have a look at this complete list of all posts since the beginning of time. Go ahead and click on any titles that intrigue you, and I hope to see you around here more often.

Love, Mr. Money Mustache

latest tweets